When Good Planners Go Bad

Were you aware that there was a 'dark side' in the planning world? Me neither!!! Until recently that is.

First, some background. I began using a Franklin Planner when I was 18. No, I am not kidding. Since then I have used them all, tried them all, and must admit, it is my 2nd favorite of all time. The 1st was my Believer's Life System from Moody Publishers (you can not get this anymore, anywhere, and yes, I have called Moody directly).

Last year I branched out, seeking a more laid-back, creative side to my planning. The Happy Planner was were I landed. This year I've switched about 5 times, and it is only April. I went from Happy to Recollections, to Heidi Swapp, to Carpe Diem, and now you and I are caught up.

Now is also where I discovered the seedy underworld of planners. It really does exist, I swear!!! It all begins when we attempt to locate what is referred to as 'planner peace'. This means we find a system, style, and whatever else, that makes us feel peaceful and organized. This elusive 'planner peace', rarely finds any of us!

Then of course you have a slew of decorations, stickers, stamps, and accessories do decorate, record, sort, organize and beautify our calendars. Plus, systems such as bullet journaling, schedules, dated, un-dated, etc....

Some planners have beautiful layouts and spreads, but few actual to-do lists. Some of us have to-do's so big, we couldn't decorate because there is no space for pretty!

Where does the 'underworld' exist then? Social Media!!!! It is referred to by a nicer name - 'Enabler Alert'. Planner addicts (yes, this is a real thing. No, we feel no shame - we're too busy planning!), post pictures of the newest finds, washi tape, pens, binders, stickers, and everything in between!!!

This leads to an entire group of women, who simply want to create an organized, well-planned life, rushing get to the nearest Hobby Lobby, or Michael's so all the good stuff doesn't disappear before they get there!!!

Confession time - I have gone running to HL or Michael's for the elusive roll of washi tape!!! I couldn't help it - it had coffee cups on it! And there were coffee cup shaped paper clips that matched! And they were 50% off!!! I may also have gone there for a few other things....like when Carpe Diem and The Reset Girl hit Hobby Lobby finally!!! 30 minutes standing in front of a wall of beauty!

Years ago, a brilliant author coined the phrase 'Bad Girls of the Bible' and wrote a book about them. I will now be coining a term myself - "Planner Girls Gone Wild"! This is us!! True addiction in all it's forms converging in the aisle of a craft store, salivating over the new, grinning from ear to ear, and trying to get others to understand this obsession. Welcome to the 'dark side'.

While most of this post is written tongue-in-cheek, there is a certain truth in it all. We strive to find the 'thing' that will help us 'feel' organized. It shouldn't look boring or bare or like our life looks. It should look fun, energetic, and make us feel good about what we spend our time doing. It should also ensure that we don't forget what we're supposed to be doing.

All along the way, we tell each other and ourselves, that we really don't need one more new pen or that roll of washi, all the while, deep down, we know we MUST have it! I think that is why many of us never quite realize 'planner peace' or 'planner bliss'. There really is no good way to take a crazy, messy, chaotic life and world, and neatly fit them into any size binder, regardless of the extension packs offered.

Ladies, there is no perfect planner, just a planner that fits where you are today, in this moment. Maybe tomorrow you will be someplace else, and need something different. Pens and washi will come and go, and we will always chase the elusive planner peace!

By the way - I am in serious happiness mode over my newest planner, a robin egg blue Carpe Diem, with Reset Girl Faith inserts, and some Illustrated Faith sticky notes, and some Happy Planner Faith Planner Stickers. Sigh......

Mommy Needs A Time Out

I remember the day clearly!! I was overwhelmed. My daughter was still fairly young, and had been having what I'll refer to as a 'rough' day.

So rough in fact, that I was quickly losing all patience, reasoning ability, and was going to blow my top! I realized that my precious daughter was in some real danger of having me blow my top in her direction, possibly all over her.

In this moment, mostly to protect her, I looked right at her and said in a measured, quite serious tone, "Mommy needs a time out. I am going to my room now. Do NOT come speak to me, knock on my door, ask me a question, or otherwise bother me unless the house is burning down."

My daughter was stunned, and silently watched as I marched myself up to my bedroom, closed (I wanted to slam, but there was a rule about that, so I followed the rule) the door, and sat on my bed staring at the ceiling, trying to calm myself. I remember saying out loud to the Lord, 'God, help'.

This was also the day I realized that maybe, just maybe, God had shown far greater wisdom than I, by not allowing any more little ones in my world. Surprisingly, this was a comforting thought that day.

Stay-at-home moms are often overlooked when it comes to 'challenging, rewarding career options'. Let me say loudly and clearly - IT IS THE HARDEST, MOST WONDERFUL CAREER EVER! Some days we forget this amidst runny noses, milk shared with fish, toys everywhere, and the sock consuming dryer!

(Can I just take a minute and suggest that the next time you need a break, you send your hubs and littles on a mission? See if they can find the elusive sock monster that lives in the dryer!! Maybe call it something different, but see if they can find it. The hubs can use tools, and the kiddos will clean up all the mess in the laundry room looking!)

Years have passed since the day I took a time out. I have probably only done it four or five times in total during the last 18 years. Most of them around the ages of 7, 13, and possibly I threatened once around 15. My daughter hates it, because she realizes that the depth of my emotion is so great, that she is in super deep trouble.

I wish I could tell you that is was solely because I needed to learn to control my temper, or that the thing(s) she did were so over the top they make great stories now. Nope. It was a culmination of many different factors. The perfect storm if you will.

Now, eighteen years later, I wonder to myself how often God wants to take a time out? Wisdom, which often does come with the years if you allow it, has shown me that I'm sure there are days where His heart is breaking, or His anger is fierce. I have also come to realize that He is God. He loves perfectly. I'm sure His emotional state is much more passionate than mine will ever be!

We can know for certain that God doesn't take timeouts. The bible says He is always near to us, if WE call on His name. That means that any timeouts are coming from our OWN hands, not His. I am so thankful, that even when I've been super naughty, or having an emotional breakdown, God doesn't send Himself to time out!! What joy to know that I can always run to Him, and how thankful am I that He has SO much more patience than I!

Enough With All The Shouting!

I just hate it when God decides that you need to hear something clearly, don't you? Usually it is not on the list of things you wished you were hearing. No, it is usually what HE thinks you should hear.

If it's His idea, and you aren't listening well, have you noticed how loudly He can shout? It never fails that when He wants my attention, there are at least five other people He will recruit to expound. AND He always picks random people, who don't know each other to expound. There are days where I am certain there is a secret conspiracy in which everyone is a part of, on opposite sides of the country, to ensure I hear what God is trying to say. 

When this happens I usually look at whatever ceiling is handy and proclaim loudly - "I GET IT!"

Truthfully, I probably don't actually get it, but I certainly don't need the megaphone from so many different directions….or do I? I guess I must because it has happened a LOT in 2017!

I find it a bit humorous that I get multiple megaphones, because my daughter says God speaks too softly for her to hear, and my hubs says he's not even sure God actually speaks sometimes. So how is it that I can hear all the volumes and words? It is definitely not because I spend time trying to hear all the words. There are a pile of days I would prefer to hear NONE of the words!

I even listen!!! I have been in sit and listen mode for weeks now. It's all I can do!! So why the need for all the shouting? Well, I believe I have some answers, finally, maybe....we'll see.

Let's give it go though, because if these are really answers, than I should share them with others who may also be feeling hard of hearing. 

Answer #1 is that while I have been hearing words, I've not necessarily been listening to what is being said. As a mom, I am able to weed out babble from a child with precision, while still being able to listen well enough not to get caught or to accidentally agree to something I didn't mean too. Apparently I have this same skill when it comes to listening to God. The difference here is that God knows what I'm doing so...

Answer #2 is that the times where I managed to listen to what was being said, I didn't care for it. So I just ignored it. Again, as a mom, this works towards the children. However, if my child chose to ignore my words, well, my words would get a whole lot louder in a hurry. (Here is where you go 'duh Kim, could've told you that! And I go 'yeah, well....') 

Answer #3 is that if the message is repeated that many times, then obviously I am not just supposed to listen, hear and retain, but I am to RETAIN and OBEY! Quick like! Without delay!! Pronto!! 

I shall stop here for a moment, because by now you are feeling like I am feeling....this all sounds exactly like a parent and child. BINGO! I am the child and God is the parent/father/in charge/authority/etc.... I however am an adult, which means I stomp my feet and say stupid things like, 'But I'm a grownup! Quit telling me what to do!' 

On a budding young adult, this looks stupid, but normal. On a grown woman with grey hairs and her own young adult, it's downright ridiculous. 

We have no need for Answer #4 because this pretty much sums it all up. God uses multiple people, multiple ways, and multiple times to ensure we heard, paid attention, retained the information, and intend to obey. If we choose to NOT do any of these things, well, I won't tell you what happens then because it isn't pretty. Just don't do it! 

I wish I could say that it is always pride that causes the foot stomp, but sometimes it's fear. Sometimes it's flat out rebellion, and sometimes it's honestly that I just don't get what it IS I'm supposed to be hearing. That is frustrating beyond all belief. These are the times when I have learned to just stop, sit, listen, and go right back to the Bible with a heart that is ready to really listen and obey. That is when the shouting stops. The soft, still voice speaks, and I find peace. 

Friends with Pastors, Part 2

Have you been impatiently waiting for part 2 on sheep? If you are like me, you weren't really! I have a tendency to want to avoid any mention of how I am prone to behave at times. Those short-comings and flaws that I would prefer to have hidden away keep me from looking forward to hearing about them!

However, I did say in Part 1 how 'sheep' like we as Christians are. Today I am going to expand a bit. Sheep graze and follow each other around. They wander away from the group. They get angry when you try to shear them. The tend to just keep their heads down, eat their grass, and wander.

My favorite breed of dog is the Shetland Sheep Dog. They were bred to herd sheep. Their whole job is to keep the sheep together and help the shepherd move them, as a group, from once place to another. My Shelties live with my family. They have no sheep or little children to herd. So, they spin in circles, and put a lot of effort into convincing ME that I "need" to be herded to wherever they think I should be. When my nephews visit, they routinely try to herd them towards their parents. This is actually hysterical to watch!!!

This past summer we took my Sheltie Mira out to my parent's house for an afternoon. She broke the "no dogs on the pool deck" rule as she got very nervous about my one year old nephew walking around. Every time he got near the edge of the deck, she would place herself between him and the step or the edge (it has a large, open stairway the width of a smaller deck). She hovered as he played in the 1" of water in the baby pool. She followed and circled him as he walked through the yard. He is only 1 and fairly containable. Now imagine trying to 'herd' a bunch of adult humans.

Pastors are often referred to as the 'shepherds' of God's children, or flock. We are often just like real sheep. Pastors then must behave like my Shelties. They must circle around the people, keeping them moving in the direction God has said to move. They must go rescue the 'stray' folks, keep the others grouped together, and watch for wolves.

I've heard sermons about shepherds and what their job looks like. Maybe if you only have 50 sheep you can manage it on your own. If you have 1,000 sheep, you have dogs to help. The shepherd trains his herding dogs. He also starts with dogs that are specifically bred for their natural herding instinct.

There are a ton of people who want to be the leaders of others. They want people to see them as mature, capable, strong in their faith, competent, etc… They want to be in charge because they "know" what needs to be done. Some of us were created to lead. Some of us were not.

We as believers spend far too much time attempting to position ourselves to appear a certain way. We spend a ridiculous amount of time vying for attention and fame and position. We seem to think we know better than everyone else. I think I could stop writing right here and we would all be happy. Who really wants to be called a sheep anyway?

The thing is, all of us sheep become the responsibility of the pastor. Unlike real sheep (you know, the animals), we use other people to get to the pastor. Or we bad mouth him and his staff. Or we treat people differently based on what we think will get us closer to him. Or we get cliquey.

I once had a pastor friend give me a list of things I should make sure not to tell anyone else about his family's home life, simply because he didn't want anyone to judge him….and it was all nonsensical stuff that no one should have cared about anyway!

We want our pastor's to survive on no pay, be available 24/7, live as paupers as proof of their commitment to God, while we want bigger houses, nicer cars, and more comfortable chairs to sit on. We whine and complain about how they do their job, while standing in judgement of them. If only we were as content to just walk around eating grass, and laying in the field all day like the animals.

We complain when they attempt to herd us back towards God. We complain when they use the word sin. We whine about how they don't meet our needs, make us more comfortable, and on goes the list.

We place unrealistic expectations on leaders in the church, then get mad when they fail to live up to our ideals. If I was judged as harshly as most of my pastor friends, I am not sure I would survive it well. I would be tempted to tell a few people off, and certainly would not want to kindly pray for them!! (Here is also why I DO NOT and WILL NOT do counseling or Pastor on Call. I have limited patience for constant whining!)

So to be friends with a pastor, means dealing with all of the other sheep. The judgements, the false friends, the wanderers, the social climbers, the everyone. It means listening to, and sometimes wishing you hadn't heard, the whispers and murmurs and judgements. This is hard friends. It's hard enough to be a sheep that doesn't always go along with the crowd, but it is super hard to be the sheep that has to listen to all the others complain about the shepherd! It hurts! 

Dreams Come True

Yesterday on my Instagram account, I shared two bible journaling pages I had done, after reading through a devotional on Joseph and dreams coming true. It was part of the newest Bible Journaling Kit from Illustrated Faith & Dayspring, called 'A Heart That Receives'. (I've provided the links to both!)

Usually when I am bible journaling, there is a specific verse or paragraph to focus on. Yesterday was 10 chapters expounding the life of Joseph. I found a place to start however, and then found an additional verse, Romans 8:28, that fit well.

It wasn't so much the "Life and Times of Joseph" that spoke to me, but how the Message Bible translated Romans 8: "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along….He knows us far better than we know ourselves…. (verse 28) That's why we can be so sure that EVERY DETAIL in our lives of love for God is worked into something good….God knew what He was doing from the very beginning."

At the end of Joseph's very overwhelming story (up to this point) he tells his brothers that it was God who was in charge all along. Despite their feeble attempts to get him out of the way because of their own jealousy, God worked out every detail to ensure that Joseph's dreams came true.

When we read Romans, we can see how this happened. I'm certain that Joseph had days where he grew tired in the waiting. I'm sure when he felt overwhelmed by his circumstances he wanted to complain, cry, and ask God how a pit, a jail cell, and a false accusation were going to help him accomplish anything good, let alone arrive as the solution to a future problem!

What kept catching me, was how often I believe that my circumstances are overwhelming. How often to I question the purpose of the pit and how it will get me anywhere? In my faith journey, I've had many, many of my own versions of a 'pit'.

Currently, I'm walking through one of the most challenging times so far. In the midst of a health situation that is costing me independence, activity, and some days my sanity, I question how this will bring any glory to God….and how it can possibly be an aid in any dream He gave me coming true. In the moment, it seems to be a stop sign, or a bottomless pit. A no-win situation which is quickly leading me to a solitary confinement of my room (read jail cell, because some days it feels like one!).

However, IF, and sometimes it is a definitive "if", God is in all the details, shouldn't I be rejoicing in this time and making the most of it? Joseph used his time in jail to impact the lives of others. Paul did the same thing from his prison cell. Do I? Do we?

The last few weeks I have questioned the dreams God laid on my heart many years ago. I've questioned the direction, the calling, the tasks, and just about everything else! I've cried out to Him in my frustration over being stuck in a bed. I've whined about how I don’t see any purpose for all this yuck, that some days is so overwhelming, I spend the day just battling for my thoughts!

Here is where this section of journaling became so important. Before we get to verse 28 in Romans, Paul likens our faith to pregnancy.Now I have been pregnant. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was ecstatic! I was finally pregnant!! It had been a struggle to get there so I was beyond thrilled! Then morning nausea hit, and everyone said it would pass (it didn't - it turned into all day queasy). I started to gain weight and have braxton hicks contractions, everyone said it would pass (this too did not pass - notice a theme here of things that others said would pass that never did? This continued for the whole rest of the 18 year journey I've taken with my child! Now it is finally starting to pass as she is grown(ish) up!). I started to get bigger, and bigger, and bigger…well, my abdomen did. I looked like I consumed the largest football you had ever seen!! I have a picture, and it’s a straight shot out the front!! 30 pounds of extra all in the front.

I was uncomfortable, heavy, and SO ready to be done being pregnant by the end! Paul says that our faith, like a pregnancy, is filled with waiting that we know will result in our dream…. A delivery of a baby! That part wasn't a whole lot more fun than pregnancy, if I'm honest! But I had my baby, a beautiful little 7 1/2" pound girl. Holding her in my arms finally, was so worthwhile! The snuggles and cuddles and all that baby goodness!!!! I had always known my pregnancy wouldn't last indefinitely….and Paul says neither will our waiting in faith!

If we spend our days focused on the pit, or the nausea, or the overwhelming circumstances that seem to be derailing our dreams and hopes, we've missed the point entirely. We should instead be focusing on the end result - the baby, the provision, the dream becoming reality. If it takes longer that we think it 'should', maybe we should remember that God is right there and KNOWS us better than we know ourselves. He knows when it's time to give birth to the child AND the dream!

Take heart friends!! There is a day coming when we will ALL celebrate the dreams God laid on our hearts coming true…if they are of Him and for Him. That is the only catch. I wanted to be a mom, and I am. I was only given one beautiful child to keep and raise, not the many I dreamed of. Two beautiful babies are already with God, but I am just as much a mom with one to raise as I would be with 3. I am just as blessed, just as content, just as thankful. I see that God answered my prayers, allowed my dream to come in His time, and according to His plan. It is still the dream come true, just His way, not mine. And that is okay.

Today, I will choose to remind myself that this too shall pass. That the end of the waiting WILL come, and it will be every bit as amazing as I hope it will be!! I use this time to learn all I can about the dream. (PS - I used my time being pregnant to learn about being a mom. I can use this time to learn more about my dream!)

Hello Spring and New Products

I know there is supposed to be a second part to my last post, BUT, I am putting it on hold for now. I've been back down for the last little bit, as I caught something, so my remission plans took a slight detour.

To highlight how off-track it pushed me....I thought tomorrow was the 1st day of spring so I'm officially 2 days off schedule for a pile of things! Sigh......

However, what that means is that on this beautiful, sunny, 60 degree 1st day of spring, I get to launch our NEW products!!! I am so excited!!!

Since I have been down for a bit, I've had nothing but time to get clear, focused, and moving towards what I know is God's plan for me and for the Studio. Ready??

I adore so many things, and like most everyone, realize that not all pretty things are needed, I have focused on high quality, handcrafted, inexpensive ways for people to be encouraged and TRY new things.

I am releasing a line of one-of-a kind, hand painted, water color notebooks. Sized for Traveler's Notebooks, each of these notebooks are made to capture a moment, and give you the chance to see if bullet journaling is a great fit for you!

Next on the list is Planner Jewelry!! I've added some Planner Charm Chains so you can decorate your planner for every season, week, occasion, etc... New charms have also been added to customize!

There are more goodies waiting to be revealed throughout this week!!! In the meantime, be sure to head over to our Studio Shop Website for some great deals on Spring Clearance items! Things are marked down to 80% off!!!!

I will resume my regular blog posts next week!

Why You Don't Want To Be Friends With Your Pastor

God gave me this title, along with what will be a few days worth of posts on this specific topic of friendship with pastor's. Shocking title isn't it? It is the truth though.

Through years of attending church, where in some cases the church was small and intimate, or in some cases it was a mega church, I have been blessed to have become friends with a number of pastors.

When the hubs and I got married, I literally handed him a list (think notebook list not sticky note list) filled with the names of pastor's who could marry us! He found that a bit unsettling to say the least. It was made worse when I actually listed them in order of MY preference, beginning with a great man of God who had invested in myself and my growth as a leader and pastor.

Have I ever mentioned I worked as a Pastor? Probably not and there are many reasons for that. I'll tell you about it another time.

While I have been blessed to share in their lives, gotten to know the wives and children, hung out, etc.… I found a truth in the midst of it - they make terrible friends to have!

It has nothing to do with any of them specifically. They are my friends. Real friends. It actually has more to do with everyone else!

Many people have tried to be my friend simply for an introduction into the world of pastors and ministry leaders. Some want to gossip or pump me for information that they think I must have. Some have merely decided that being friends with a pastor means you have 'arrived' and are part of a 'special clique'.

How sad to learn that Christians would maneuver and position themselves to simply climb a ladder that doesn’t actually exist.

Most people don't realize the enormous weight that a pastor must carry. They don't realize the weight that the whole family carries. Most don't realize that in reality it can be hard to be friends with leaders in the church.

Being a ministry leader or a pastor is a hard job. In most cases it took years of growth, discipleship, prayer and dedication in addition to the calling of God. It gets even harder once you are in the position of leading people. God was right when he called us all sheep!!

Tomorrow I will address the 'Sheep' issue!!!

Pain

Can we talk? I mean really talk, the kind where we are truthful and honest and cover some hard topics? You know those topics that stay off the list most of the time. We need to discuss one of them today. It's the topic of pain. It is going to be a lengthy chat.

Since pain in all forms causes some kind of hurt, I want to clarify a bit. We have all experienced some form of hurt or pain in our lives. Whether a broken bone, or a broken heart, we've felt it. Sometimes we can take a pill and it goes away, sometimes we can take a pill and it stays anyway, and sometimes there is no pill at all.

We never want to talk about it either. At least the big hurts. We will gripe incessantly about a paper cut, never bothering to mention our heart is in shambles. It is this big pain I want to talk about.

For years I quietly lived my life, not sharing with others what was going on that caused me pain. I hate to share that I often said I was fine, when I wasn't really. I did this for any kind of pain. Physical, emotional, mental, relational, spiritual. They were all off limits to others. I didn’t want to appear weak, didn't want to have people pity me, didn't want to be 'different' or be told I lacked faith. (I hate those words - you just need to have more faith!)

I had a whole different post ready to go today. God had a different idea. See, I've been in a lot of pain recently. Physical pain as a result of a diagnosed condition. Pain I have lived with for years. This time though it is taking a lot more out of me. That in turn is causing me emotional pain. I am watching my family try to be positive, like I taught them to be.

They are trying to be brave, like I expect them to be. But…. We are all a little scared. It's the worst it's been. I even did the unthinkable and asked for HELP! Can you stand it?! I need it and I have accepted it. I am facing my own reality and at peace with it.

For those with chronic illness, health battles of all kinds, PLEASE hear me on this clearly - there is NO shame or weakness or inconvenience when we admit we need others. This is where the real strength is. When we realize that pain could be a gift for someone else. Radical idea I know.

I got a little brave this week and came clean with a few people. Not for pity or sympathy, but because I had no choice. I have to protect some pretty big boundary lines right now for the benefit of others and myself. I had to say no to some things, equally unthinkable isn't it? (I HATE pity! I don't give it and will not accept it!)

I had to get really clear, really fast, on what I can actually do and on where my priorities truly are. I had to let go of my guilt and shame and had to face some truth. I am simply not able to do everything I want to do, as I want to do it. People may be disappointed, oh well. I'm facing some hard decisions also.

I refuse to accept anyone telling me how strong I am…nope, I'm not. I made a choice a long time ago to never let anything get the better of me. I am too stubborn to give in, even when I probably should. I will NOT allow circumstances to beat me, I will beat them. My choice is to refuse to give in to the pain. It will not win.

Pain may keep me physically down, it may take away my ability to walk down stairs today. It will not rob me of my joy, it will not take away my ability to choose to smile. I will NOT allow it to dictate who I am. It is not my identity. My identity and value is wrapped up in who I choose to be and who I choose to follow. No pain, or fear, is too big for my God. He knows what's going on.

My name is Kim. My name is not my illness. I am a wife. I am not an illness. I am a mom. I am not a condition. Your identity is not your name, or your condition or your illness.

Often those who do not have to walk in our shoes do not really want to know how we are. They aren't really asking us, they are making small talk. So we learn to say we are fine, because most people cannot handle the true answer. I may be fine mentally today, but physically I am worn out. I do not want to be chatty and talk about the weather. It is a waste of the precious energy I do have. That energy is reserved for my family today.

I also do not want to hear about some magic solution you have for me. It is exhausting having people constantly trying to "help" by offering the "solution". Yes, I've already tried it. Thank you for the suggestion. Here again, there is the answer you want to hear which is not what I want to say. What I want to say is, "Do you honestly think I’m sitting here purposely ignoring your suggestions because I LIKE this? Do you really think I haven't already tried every single stinking thing in the universe? Does the ridiculous number of doctor's visits, blood work, etc.… seem like I am just being stubborn and am unwilling to do something?"

For many people the battle they fight daily, whether you see it or not, is one of great pain. We are not refusing to help ourselves. We are not lying to you or hiding the truth. We simply can't waste any more energy on worrying about the opinions of others. We have no energy.

Our conditions and illnesses rob us of the very things you take for granted. We already struggle with the idea of being a burden to those we love. It doesn't matter if it's cancer, or mental illness, or fibro, or lupus, or arthritis. We have limitations. We have set-backs. We have relapses. We have issues. We face hard decisions and hard truths and hard choices.

That is WHY we needed to have a lengthy chat today about this hard topic. There is too much comparison. A splinter is not a broken bone. A headache is not a mental illness. The splinter and the headache hurt. They cause pain. They can indicate bigger problems. They are not bigger pains. They do not require the same level of understanding. They do not require special treatment. In fact, we usually mention them for sympathy, not because they actually are problems. A splinter does not impede your ability to function. A headache is not even a migraine. Just take a pill and move on.

Sadly, most people would prefer our broken bone just be a splinter. They wish our mental illness was just a headache. To have to see someone you care about face unthinkable pain, is just that. Unthinkable. So we hide our big pain away. To protect you, to shield you, to care for you.

Here is the bottom line: I have an illness, I am not an illness. My strength is not in my willingness to speak about it, but in walking through it. I am not brave for ever getting up, I am brave for sitting down. I make a choice, as many of my dear friends do, to purposefully find the good. To seek a positive. To be brave enough to STOP worrying about others and focus on me. To let other's help, let them heal, let them get up. I choose today to rise above, carry on, and look forward to every amazing thing I can find.

I am fortunate. I can make a choice to be positive. I have a friend who is fortunate. She cannot choose to be positive, but she can choose to walk down stairs. I have another friend who is fortunate. She cannot choose to treat her daughter's rare genetic disease, but she can choose to be thankful for every single extra day she gets to watch her daughter wake up. Each of us is fortunate and blessed despite our circumstances because it is about perspective. We each feel for the other, recognizing with empathy and understanding, that while the other's pain is not our own, we still share the same battle of walking through it. 

The BIG 40

I celebrated my 40^th birthday last weekend. As happens occasionally, this year it landed on Friday the 13^th…..fitting right?

Even better? I confounded virtually everyone by choosing to celebrate, AND was EXCITED to celebrate the Big 40. Why you ask? The answer is quite simple – my numerical age finally caught up with the age I’ve been in my head since toddler-hood.

Virtually all my life was lived with the idea that someday I would be 40 and would look back on my life. I would either find regret, disappointment, lack, etc. OR, I would find nothing that caused regret, disappointment or missed opportunities.

Yes, I was weird, uptight, and ‘no fun’. However, today, I am alive, joyful, and filled with a sense of accomplishment. I can look at my almost 18-year-old and say with confidence that it is possible to grow up without having done a pile of things!

I know who I am in Christ, in life, and I am comfortable in my own skin. I have let go of so many unhealthy things, that the list is shrinking all the time. I don’t have to hide behind insecurity or self-doubt. There are still a few areas that I find myself wading through as they are deeper and bigger than the first round. Wisdom, maturity, and healing come as we allow growth. We are going to only get older, so we might as well make the most of it!

Considering all the life events that could have impacted my arrival at 40, I also think it’s worth celebrating that I am still here! I’ve already lived an entire lifetime of events, jobs, experiences. Just to imagine what the next 40 will look like, with all the preparation I’ve had…. Mind boggling really!

If you are not yet 40, I encourage you to embrace life NOW and begin living a life that you will be glad you lived. If you are 40+, welcome to the best years of your life! Let’s celebrate being older, wiser, more stable, and having opportunities to become whoever we always wanted to be!!!

Hello 2017

Can you believe its already 2017? I know I can't, mostly because the last few months of 2016 were just too much.

My father-in-law spent the last two weeks of August in a trauma ICU, and eventually passed away as a result of the injuries he sustained. Needless to say it was a very difficult time for my husband and his family.

We then had to transition to care for my mother-in-law, settling some estate issues. Since life should never be boring, we followed that up with my sister-in-law having a small stroke, me taking a tumble down the stairs and messing up my right shoulder (my dominant hand of course). Still not quite enough?

I'm going to stop the list right here as if I continued you would probably not believe it anyway. I have been off work since that weekend in August, haven't had a chance to get to blogging, and of course the holiday's were just here.

2017 began with some fun ice and snow storms, social media negativity, friends whose last few months have been as unbelievable as ours, and more on this list which makes me think even I can't believe it anymore!

I am ready though for our new normal to begin, for spring, for some cheeriness, and to get back to the things I enjoy! I've been struggling to find my word for the year, but feel like I am getting closer!!

So back to blogging, back in the Studio for creating, and re-energizing my life. If you are anything like my friends, you too are searching for refreshment, re-energizing, and a word for the year. Ready to take on whatever comes our way! Stay tuned!!!!

The Date to Create

I am a fan of unusual 'holiday's' only because they can be so FUN! Today has been given the designation of The Date to Create. I spent all of 2 seconds looking up this holiday, and it was worth it - there is nothing creative to be found. Oh irony how I adore you!

So what do you do with a holiday that is so unimaginative, which I suspect is part of the point? You fill it with creativity of course!!

Being creative isn't limited to artists, or authors, or any of the other 'creative type' labels. Creativity can also be solving a problem, making a meal, even cleaning your house! 

Allow me to share an example. I am participating in a new lettering challenge on Instagram this month, featuring COFFEE as the topic for prompts. So, yeah, I had to participate! The goal is to practice your hand-lettering. This is great as I aspire to getting better and better.

The other day the prompt was Obsessive Coffee Disorder. Well, needless to say, my lettering was not the thing that ended up being 'creative'. I put together a whole list of definitions, symptoms, etc... The creative mood struck and off I went. 

That is is what creativity looks like. You have a focused intent, and then find inspiration in the midst, and you follow it wherever it leads.

Here is another example - when you go to make dinner, and you feel creative, you add a handful of fresh herbs to the jar of sauce in the cabinet. Creative! 

A quick recipe my family enjoys in the summer: 4 Roma (or any paste variety) tomatoes diced; 1 clove of garlic, crushed; 1 can of black olives, sliced; a handful of fresh basil and a handful of fresh oregano, minced; some olive oil. Place all ingredients together in a bowl, sprinkling on olive oil to coat (maybe a cup), then add some salt and pepper to taste. Leave it sit while you cook a box of pasta - spaghetti noodles work the best. When the pasta is done, toss it with the veggies, and serve! This has a fresh taste, utilizes garden produce, and is super fast and easy! We adapted it from a recipe I found years ago, and you can adapt it as well.

Here is an easy path to creating - grab your kids crayons and go doodle!!! Or color a page in a coloring book. Or borrow their construction paper to make a card. 

How can cleaning be creative you ask? As you clean, move things, add things, subtract things. Look around the room, and see what can you change that will provide you with a better environment? It may be as simple as swapping pictures or books from one room to another. It could be as elaborate as new curtains or rugs. 

No matter what you do today, just create something!!! Use today as the prompt and encouragement to get creative and inspired!! Use it as the catalyst to do something you've been wanting to try. Remember it isn't about perfection, it's about creating. It's about trying something and seeing where it goes!!! 

My enabler tip of the day - Michael's has a coupon for 40% off any 1 regular price item....totally worth walking into the store and picking up that thing that you have been eyeing for awhile. Maybe grab a new planner to map out all the creativity you generate from starting today?