Boy Am I Mad

I am so stinking peeved right now, that I probably shouldn't be blogging. Thankfully only like 3 people read this, so there's safety in numbers right?

I have fought long, hard battles to get to this place in my faith, life, etc... I struggled, persevered, cried, yelled, sometimes laughed. I have always refused to give up. I have always given second, tenth, hundredth chances, and really do want to believe the best about people. I refuse to believe that if given time & encouragement things just can't change for the better.

BUT, right now, I've pretty much had enough. I'm mad at how few people really seem to grasp that our life is a gift. We should never take anything, anyone or even today for granted.

God created me. On purpose, for a purpose. I don't care who or where you are, it's the same. I don't care if you believe in God or not. Bottom line - you're here for a reason. Now, we may not know what that reason is. In fact, we may spend our whole life trying to sort through why we're here. But we're alive.....period.

Some days I don't handle anything with grace. Some days I need a good swift kick in the butt to propel me out of a pity party. But I get up every day determined that I will live that day, be it good or bad, and pray that I will get up again the next day. That I will fulfill my purpose, accomplish whatever it is I need to before I go.

I want to find the good in people and see the positives. I want to believe that others care. I don't want utopia, I want to believe that people who are grumpy, are just hurting and need a friend; people who are angry, just need someone to love them; people who are insecure, just need someone to lift them up; people who are prideful, just need to land on their a$$, but we can offer hand to help them back up again. I want to celebrate with those who have realized that they're here for a purpose & are looking to accomplish it before it's too late. I want to celebrate 12 days sober, healing, health, remission, life!!

I'm angry because I can't stand to see great people fall victim to the lies that say they must protect themselves at all costs. That they are failures, are less than, are entitled. I'm angry because hurting people hurt people. I'm angry because I've watched these lies destroy people. I'm angry because people give in, write other's off, can't forgive, abuse, mistreat, and deny others grace or mercy.

If you are given a second chance, another day, to say I love you to someone, or offer forgiveness, or another day to be the best you you can be - grab it, do it, don't delay. Someday it'll be too late.....and what will you be left with.

A dear, sweet one I love, is facing her own 'why am I still here' battle with cancer. I said maybe she's here so she can lead her doctors to the lord, so she can write out her wisdom for other generations to see, to accomplish something we can't see. Maybe she's only here so I can tell her I love her one more time. Or maybe so she can say it to her kids. Or maybe she's only still here because God doesn't have her housing prepared just yet. Who cares! The point is, she's here, she's okay.....she didn't give up.  I will appreciate every moment.

There's another in my life who God spared not once, but twice. The words "I love you" were used today. Few have heard these words, which make them extra special. I watched this strong person get choked up over a long ago honor and choice, which had a profound effect on their future. The realization of how short the time really is has dawned on them. I'm sad and mad that some didn't see it as the miracle and gift it really was. Some couldn't and some chose not to. Some chose to miss the blessing because they couldn't see past themselves.

I could go on with this list. The point is that I'm mad at how easily we give up because it's hard or seems unfair, or seems to take to much energy or time. Face your own last day and you won't be so quick to take them for granted. And yes, I've faced my own last day a time or two. Every now and again, I forget how very precious each day is. But God is always gracious enough to remind me.