Love

So many people don't like Valentine's Day. It's hard for me to believe that the ONE day devoted to saying I love you, would have haters.

Of course I don't NEED some pre-determined day to say I love you, or to hear it. BUT, you must admit, men don't usually forget it...unlike anniversaries, birthdays, etc... My man always remembers all of the above, but I certainly don't mind the extras today. :)

This has by far been the literal best Valentine's Day I have ever had. It began with me getting up at my usual time, then rolling back over and falling back to sleep for just another hour. When I woke up, my hubby had gone and gotten me my fave doughnut, and left for me to find. :) What an awesome, thoughtful thing to do! I then made the sad mistake of telling him it was even better than flowers, not realizing he had also ordered my fave colored roses to be delivered here. (They delivered mine & my daughters to HIM! How funny!!)

What made it by far the best though, was God in His most loving way, showered me with gifts today. I for the first time in all my life was keenly aware of not only who I was, but who He is! His extreme generosity in handing me back my dreams even if only for a moment brought me to tears.

Then, he gave me a new friend, who I already consider so dear to my heart! What a sweetie! Love you girl!! Then he blessed me with a phone call from a bestie who needed the reminder that God has such great plans for us all! In His time though. Then a great chat with another new friend God sent my way...wow! What awesome connections & blessings these people are in my life! Then another chat with another great friend!

It was a day filled with my fave people, doing my fave things, and relishing in this amazing Love. Even small glimmers of hope and peace are sometimes enough to breathe fresh air into our lives. I have had a whole week like that - glimmers, joy, peace, contentment, and lots of admiration for an amazing God who blessed me with the one thing I always wanted - peace that passes understanding!

No matter what tomorrow holds, I can look back on today & always remember the refreshment my spirit felt, the joy in the moment, the love of my God. I will walk boldly forward into tomorrow thanking God ahead of time for what I know will continue to be a journey of love & blessing!!

My Purpose

Why is it that right before you go to bed, your brain kicks into overdrive? If you're male you have no idea what I'm talking about do you? You use sleep as a way to turn your brain off. If you're female, you are already sighing, dreading the pre-bedtime ritual that will maybe help you to stop thinking so you can fall asleep.

Tonight my body said it was time for bed, but my brain was processing....processing.....aha! It was a moment of clarity that all of sudden shook me. My purpose. My what and why and how and, everything.

Last week I just sort of chilled out. No to-do lists, no real plan. It was heavenly actually. Given the chance to really focus on some things, the ideas just flew, the words just came, the peace & joy just found me. I was able to process through some things that I've been working on deciphering for years.

 I was blessed a few years back to have had a wonderful mentor who provided me with some tremendous opportunities to learn to be an effective leader & helped me grow into who I am. Conversations, situations, lessons, all came rushing back to me last week. I discovered I did indeed know who I was and what I was uniquely created to do.

Yesterday I read a quote that said, "God didn't give you what you wanted when you wanted it, because if He had, you would have killed it." Wowsers, that is a powerful statement. If I am honest, that quote fits me perfectly. I once had a grand vision. It never materialized. I was confused as to why God would do such a thing? Why give someone a clear picture, then bolt the window and close the curtains? I eventually let it go and assumed that God had a very different plan in mind.

Just tonight, as I was getting ready for bed I was struck with this thought, "for such a time as this". I find myself in a unique position with the opportunity to be completely and fully who I am and potentially fulfill what has been a long held dream.

Purpose - mine, for such a time as this. The pieces all fit tonight, as though life is just a giant puzzle and I had a few pieces backward. Maybe I was trying to force them to fit? Maybe they looked so close I thought they fit? Overall, it looked okay. But now, it is beautiful and fits so perfectly in every way. 

I know who I am, what I was created to do, and have a very clear vision of how to do it. It required ALL the years of life lessons. Each moment God was bending and shaping and growing and healing and moving me. If God would have allowed me to move into my dream then, I would have killed it. It wouldn't have been intentional. In fact, I know I would've worked my tail off to make it work. But it still would've died. Other peoples dreams would have died also.

Since it didn't work then, because I wasn't who I am now, I made new friends, I went new places, I had new experiences, I connected people to people. I learned things I needed to know. I helped other people find their dreams, encouraged them to discover who they were. It's silly, but until tonight, I never even saw that that was what was happening.

I am so in awe at the moment of what I see God doing. If I don't wake up tomorrow, I will still have at least lived this moment being fully who I am and devoted to the plan God has and what my purpose really is. I believe whole-heartedly though that I will wake up tomorrow and God will bring my dream and vision to it's reality in the future. I will fulfill my purpose. 

Boy Am I Mad

I am so stinking peeved right now, that I probably shouldn't be blogging. Thankfully only like 3 people read this, so there's safety in numbers right?

I have fought long, hard battles to get to this place in my faith, life, etc... I struggled, persevered, cried, yelled, sometimes laughed. I have always refused to give up. I have always given second, tenth, hundredth chances, and really do want to believe the best about people. I refuse to believe that if given time & encouragement things just can't change for the better.

BUT, right now, I've pretty much had enough. I'm mad at how few people really seem to grasp that our life is a gift. We should never take anything, anyone or even today for granted.

God created me. On purpose, for a purpose. I don't care who or where you are, it's the same. I don't care if you believe in God or not. Bottom line - you're here for a reason. Now, we may not know what that reason is. In fact, we may spend our whole life trying to sort through why we're here. But we're alive.....period.

Some days I don't handle anything with grace. Some days I need a good swift kick in the butt to propel me out of a pity party. But I get up every day determined that I will live that day, be it good or bad, and pray that I will get up again the next day. That I will fulfill my purpose, accomplish whatever it is I need to before I go.

I want to find the good in people and see the positives. I want to believe that others care. I don't want utopia, I want to believe that people who are grumpy, are just hurting and need a friend; people who are angry, just need someone to love them; people who are insecure, just need someone to lift them up; people who are prideful, just need to land on their a$$, but we can offer hand to help them back up again. I want to celebrate with those who have realized that they're here for a purpose & are looking to accomplish it before it's too late. I want to celebrate 12 days sober, healing, health, remission, life!!

I'm angry because I can't stand to see great people fall victim to the lies that say they must protect themselves at all costs. That they are failures, are less than, are entitled. I'm angry because hurting people hurt people. I'm angry because I've watched these lies destroy people. I'm angry because people give in, write other's off, can't forgive, abuse, mistreat, and deny others grace or mercy.

If you are given a second chance, another day, to say I love you to someone, or offer forgiveness, or another day to be the best you you can be - grab it, do it, don't delay. Someday it'll be too late.....and what will you be left with.

A dear, sweet one I love, is facing her own 'why am I still here' battle with cancer. I said maybe she's here so she can lead her doctors to the lord, so she can write out her wisdom for other generations to see, to accomplish something we can't see. Maybe she's only here so I can tell her I love her one more time. Or maybe so she can say it to her kids. Or maybe she's only still here because God doesn't have her housing prepared just yet. Who cares! The point is, she's here, she's okay.....she didn't give up.  I will appreciate every moment.

There's another in my life who God spared not once, but twice. The words "I love you" were used today. Few have heard these words, which make them extra special. I watched this strong person get choked up over a long ago honor and choice, which had a profound effect on their future. The realization of how short the time really is has dawned on them. I'm sad and mad that some didn't see it as the miracle and gift it really was. Some couldn't and some chose not to. Some chose to miss the blessing because they couldn't see past themselves.

I could go on with this list. The point is that I'm mad at how easily we give up because it's hard or seems unfair, or seems to take to much energy or time. Face your own last day and you won't be so quick to take them for granted. And yes, I've faced my own last day a time or two. Every now and again, I forget how very precious each day is. But God is always gracious enough to remind me.

Journey

I was so stoked this past Saturday because two of my favorite bands teamed up for a special concert event - Journey & Rascal Flatts. I stayed up until 10pm just to watch, and even convinced the hubby to interrupt his 'nap' and dance with me to our song. :)

Journey had a new lead singer and let me just say, while he may be able to sing, he ruined forever my delusion that I'm not getting any older. He was probably 10....the rest of the band is not 10, none of the Flatts are 10, and I certainly am not 10. In fact the rest of us aren't 20 or 30 anymore either!

It was an amazing hour listening so some of my favorite songs, heard in stereo and I wish I could've been there!

The most humorous part of the entire event was the fact that when I woke up Sunday morning, all I could think about was the word 'journey'. Co-inky-dink? The whole day all the idea of being on a journey lingered in my brain. Now mind, the Superbowl was scheduled for that evening, so even that tied into the word - both teams had a long journey getting there.

Today, I took the time to process this lingering a bit. I think the idea of being on a journey is what it really was. My journey through life. How far I've come and still have to go. The challenges I've dealt with and will inevitably face in the future. The difference in who I am because of all that I've experienced. The joy of knowing that I'm still heading down the same road, to the same place and goal, and knowing that there are tremendous opportunities right in front of me.

I'm so excited to see what is just around the corner up-ahead. Big things, exciting things, blessings that I claim even now! Thankfulness that they are sitting there waiting, and gratefulness that I have so many friends around me to share the experience with. The journey is always more fun when done in group formation!!