Mother's Day & Miracles

Mother's Day is literally just a few days away and I am tickled!! Exactly one year ago, on Mother's Day, my life changed.

16 years ago, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I spent years in and out of the doctor's office, fighting all kinds of battles on top of it. Breast cancer concerns and surgery, skin cancer scares, a lymphatic system that doesn’t look right…or work right. The doctors invited me back to see them so many times, I wished I was a hypochondriac. It would have been preferable.

Each year, my illness progressed a little more, and then a little more, and finally pushed me into bed 75% of the time. It just plain old sucked. Anyone who suffers from an 'invisible illness' knows how isolating, exhausting, and tedious it can be.

Me, being myself of course, just sucked it up, and moved through as though life was fine. So many reasons are attached to that. That should be a blog post of its own. Anywho, eventually I could no longer just move through life, and the impact was great. So great that I was finally at the point where I was willing to try all the useless medicine they were willing to prescribe.

While Fibro may have medicine that helps, CFS not so much. It only recently started getting the air time it needs to solve the problem. It is a wicked illness that needs be funded and researched and dealt with.

So, last year, I was at the lowest point of my life. I no longer could move through. I could no longer say to God I was okay walking through life according to His plan. In fact, I told Him the truth - His plan sucked. It was stupid, and I hated it. I was tired. I was sick and tired. And I was sick and tired of fighting battles. I was tired of people. I was in horrible pain, and spent hours just trying not to cry.

I told God that either He FINALLY heal me here on earth, or He was going to heal me in heaven. I no longer cared which, I just wanted healing. And I told Him to get on it….ASAP! I wish I could also tell you I was depressed, but who has time for such nonsense when you are in that much pain? And for the record, depression is no joke. It can be equally debilitating. But it is a separate issue - I wasn’t depressed, I was fed up and pissed. (Yes, sometimes followers of Jesus say bad words, we are human, and there aren't always 'christian' words that fit!)

Mother's Day rolled around, and I had the worst CFS spell of my journey. I passed out, and woke up with amnesia. Cool huh? My memory did come back mostly within a few days, and then slowly continued. At the same time, we all noticed a difference in the rest of my health. I was seemingly healthy.

 I had energy. I had stamina. I was eating, no headaches, no nausea, no insomnia, no pain. Just a 'normal' person. My lymphatic system began working correctly, and lymph nodes started shrinking to normal size. Within a month I started painting the exterior of my house. I planted a whole garden. I launched into some amazing things in the Studio. I could do ALL the things!

A year later….I am fine. I am healthy. (Perimenopause and allergies did remain unfortunately.) God miraculously healed me. Finally. After 15 years of trying all the things. He didn't just heal me physically though. He did some major heart repair as well. He opened my eyes to my identity in Him - I became the 'vintage God girl'. I got rid of over half the stuff in my home. I cleaned up a ton of messes. My home is now exactly what I always dreamed it would be.

My home, my world, my self, all underwent a major overhaul. It feels so good!!! This week, it struck me though how amazing it really has been.

I've been pretty wiped out this week. I had a moment of concern, but then realized that when you are working 12 hour days, 8 or so of those outdoors in sun and wind, and then adding in all the rest of life, 'normal' people get tired. I am just a normal, tired person. It feels amazing!! After so many years of having to limit my life, I have probably taken on way more than I should. But to live life, and be able to do ALL the things, feels so good. I hate the thought of missing even one moment of life now.

Do you know what else I realized? That if this Mother's Day comes, and suddenly it were to all end, I would be okay. It wasn't ever about the house, or the doing, or the belief. It was about the opportunities I had this year. My heart is content, with whatever I am asked to walk through, because I didn't waste one second of the precious gift of healing God sent. I made every single second count for something. I loved people more fully than I ever have before. I shared my heart and my time and my joy. I shared my blessings with everyone. I gave away everything I could, and God provided enough for my family still.

I moved in the Spirit, ditched the planner, learned who I was. I made amazing new friends, shared heartaches with long-time friends, prayed with those who felt left out. I found the truest form of joy, and despite all the rocky things that life still brings, I was okay. Is there any better gift to have received?

So often when we hear about miracles, we secretly wish them for ourselves. We feel a small pang of jealousy. We want to know the secret to having them in our lives. I have come to believe that the secret is this - God does what He wants, when He wants. We get to choose what we see and how we react. It is entirely on Him to do what is best. If He would have healed me years ago, when I originally asked, would He have received as great a thanks from me? Would it have had such a tremendous impact on my life? Would it even have seemed miraculous?

I learned that there so many miracles every single day. Sometimes we overlook them. We don't see them for the miracles they really are. We plant what look like dead little seeds into the ground, water them, and wait. Miraculously they grow! One little seed grows a whole plant. A tomato seed is tiny, but it grows a plant, and then stuff to eat!! That is just awesome isn't it? The seasons never fail to show up…sometimes they get confused about when they are supposed to arrive, but they always get here.

Modern medicine is even a miracle. Back in the day they used poison for beauty, narcotics for everything, and couldn't save limbs, or sight, or life. Now, we can see, don't poison ourselves just to look pretty, have prosthetics, and can live through all kinds of illness.

This year for Mother's Day I asked my family for one thing - a day of rest, relaxation, and celebration of all that God has done. An opportunity to celebrate with gratefulness, and thankfulness, and awe of a God who works everything out in our lives for our ultimate good, and for His ultimate glory.

I probably should add one more little detail. This marks the 19th year I get to celebrate being a mom. God miraculously and graciously allowed me to have a child to keep. While my daughter has some siblings in heaven, she remained here. It has been a joy getting to watch her grow, and a privilege to be a mom 'in real life'. To all the mom's who must celebrate as their little ones are in heaven, hanging out with their daddy there - the biggest of hugs to you!! It never gets easier, it just gets different.