Here I Am

Here I am!! After a surprising start to our 2019, I chose to focus on my 'OLW' or one little word, 'DELIGHT'. In true life-like fashion, the best laid plans, of mice and men, came to a halt.

The 'new' plan was much less delightful than anyone could predict, imagine or quite honestly, cope with. My 1st trimester of pregnancy ended with my mom beginning to have some difficulties physically. By my 3rd trimester, we learned that my mom had very little time left with us. She passed away as June came to a close, and our son was born as July was just beginning.

As these two things intersected so closely, my husband and I were very, very blessed to have some amazing friends surround us with prayer, support, meals, comfort, and so much love. At the same time, every single plan for our year and my business, flew right out the window.

Not only did we have some, let's call them intriguing, situations within my pregnancy, we also knew that the time we had with my mom was all the time we had. I had gained enough weight that the garden wasn't a viable option, and I wouldn’t have been able to harvest it anyway. I was drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. So I let slide my 'job', in favor of my family.

While there is absolutely no regret for decisions that were made, in putting my family first, my creativity is one of the things that fill me with joy, acts as a healing balm, and of course is the heart of my business. With less time to devote to it, and not much positive inspiration for it, there was less refilling of my spirit as well.

Now, as we are in the middle of October, with a year that is more blur than reality, I am discovering a new normal. Life with an infant, which I never thought I would be blessed to experience again. Life without a mom to call every time he does something I've either forgotten babies do, or something I'm excited he's done for the 1st time.

Business, even when working from home, must look different. Time looks different. Night's filled with less sleep, days filled with chores, and the most adorable baby, whose life I want to take in so completely, make little time for long projects.

Blogging also fell to the side. To sit down and pen anything in the midst of grief, confusion, busy, etc… seemed to suck more time and energy. Honestly, no one would've wanted to read anything I was thinking anyway. Grief and the chaos that surrounds preparing for death and life at the same time, have a way of muddling an already overdone pregnant women's brain. Emotions would have been high anyway (thank you pregnancy hormones!).

Our little 3 1/2 old bundle of energy is growing every day. Our 20 year old is learning adulting in new ways. My hormones have almost adjusted back to normal, or at least what a normal 3 month post-partum normal is. In fact, the little one just woke up  and I'm trying to convince him to sit here with me while I finish up this post…that I've been working on for 3 days, since we are simultaneously teething and going through a growth spurt and closing up my mom's Fiber Shop.

So here I am. Adjusting, adapting, trusting in a plan that is definitely not my own. Now if you will excuse me, there is a diaper calling my name and then we are off to put some of last year's frozen veggies through the food processor so baby will have new things to try!